


In your light (I learn how to love)

by digthewriter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Androgynous Merlin, Androgyny, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 05:03:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4733720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digthewriter/pseuds/digthewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin was everything Arthur wasn't used to but still in his light, he learned to love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In your light (I learn how to love)

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for [merlinreversebb](http://merlinreversebb.livejournal.com) inspired by [THIS ART](http://sallyna-smile.livejournal.com/246293.html) by [sallyna_smile](http://sallyna-smile.livejournal.com/246293.html). It was a pinch hit, and I had VERY LITTLE time to write it. I hope you guys give it a chance; I've never written Androgynous characters so no offence is intended, and this story is written for fun. All my thanks to JO for her help with this. All the remaining mistakes are mind. 
> 
> Author has hands on first experience with playing Smash Hit and procrastination. It's the best sort of therapy one can find. 
> 
> Slight dirty talk. 
> 
> Just like most of my stories, this one takes a turn to the fluffy end of things and I can't even help myself. Honestly.
> 
> When I had initially posted this story it was half betaed, now the final version for some reason has 600 extra words. If anyone has found errors, please feel free to point them out.

* * *

_“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” ― Rumi_

*

Arthur didn't live under a rock. He knew people came in all shapes and sizes and maybe he wasn't cut from the same cloth as most of them, but seeing someone _different_ than him wasn't something that made him lose sleep at night.

Still.

Merlin was everything Arthur wasn't used to. He didn't fit in the same mould of Arthur's beliefs. Merlin was different. He was too different. And Arthur couldn't stand it.

##

"Leaving for the night, Arthur?"

Guinevere was Arthur's favourite employee. She was sweet, friendly, and all the customers at the Holy Grail café loved her. Arthur trusted her with everything, the till, the cash deposits, and making sure everything was running smoothly when he wasn't around.

"Yeah. Do you think you can handle the evening crowd?" Arthur asked Gwen as he took off his apron and hung it up on the wall behind the till.

"Of course, it's a slow night. Especially with the uni students gone for the rest of the season," she said.

"Brilliant," Arthur said, smiling. 

"You seem rather excited to get out of here," she said, giving Arthur a once-over. Obviously, she was taking in his less than casual attire he'd picked out for the night. 

Usually, Arthur wore his comfortable jeans and a button-down shirt to the café, because he was normally in the back catching up on the accounts and cleaned up the tables while he left Guinevere to handle the customers. Tonight, he was wearing his black trousers, and a new maroon shirt he'd bought the day before. 

"Seeing Sofia tonight?" she asked, winking at him.

He blushed slightly. "Yeah. I think I'm going to ask her to move in with me."

"You think?" she asked, sounding confused.

"Well, I've been thinking about it for weeks, but I haven't got the courage to do it yet. But, I think tonight's the night. You know?"

She gave him a tight smile and looked away. 

"Gwen..."

"Hey, I like her."

"No, you don't."

Suddenly, she turned to look at him again and gave him a tight embrace. "I like that you like her. If she makes you happy, we're all happy for you. Just don't make her our new boss or anything..."

Arthur threw his head back and laughed. "The only way she'd become your boss is if I died and she'd inherited the Holy Grail from my will—"

"Arthur, don't even joke about that," she said, slapping him on the arm. 

The bell at the door chimed, indicating someone had just walked in, and Guinevere quickly straightened herself up. She turned to look at the new customer and her huge smile was back. Arthur followed her gaze and took in the sight himself. It wasn't anything he was used to.

The person standing at the counter was a bloke, Arthur thought, but he had on eye-liner, his ears were pierced, and he was wearing a plaid skirt with a tight black t-shirt. It wasn't a kilt, Arthur was sure, it was definitely a skirt with black tights and rain boots. Female rain boots, even if they were black, and matched with his outfit. 

"Merlin!" Guinevere exclaimed. "Oh, this is my boss, Arthur. Arthur, this is my friend Merlin. Actually, Lance's friend—"

"I'm your friend, too, Gwen," _Merlin_ said and turned to look at Arthur. Merlin's mouth opened and it looked like the word 'hi' was being formed there and then it was quickly replaced with a frown.

"Have you got a problem?" Merlin asked.

"What?" Arthur said, almost in a shout. "No, I have to go." He abruptly turned around, grabbed his bag, and brushed past Merlin. _What_ an odd bloke. At least Arthur had thought he was a bloke. Merlin was a man's name, right?

##

Arthur arrived at Sofia's doorstep at least a half an hour early. He was just _too_ excited about this. When he knocked on the door, Sofia opened it immediately and Arthur took in her attire. Or lack of. She only had a dressing gown on, and Arthur checked his watch again. Was he _that_ early that she hadn't even fussed about with her hair or make-up?

"Hello, Arthur," she said and moved out of the way so Arthur could come inside her flat.

"Are you feeling all right, my love?" Arthur asked and watched her visibly cringe at his words. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Why don't you take a seat," she said and sat on the armchair beside the sofa. 

"Sofia, if you want to cancel dinner plans—"

"I don't just want to cancel dinner plans, Arthur," she said and sighed heavily. She offered him tea that was already all set up on the table in front of them. Clearly, she was prepared for this. Whatever this was. He tried to hold her hand but she quickly pulled away. She covered her face and began sobbing. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to do it like this."

"Do what?" Arthur asked, concern clear in his voice. What was wrong?

"I can't be with you anymore," she said, in-between her sobs.

"What?" Arthur exclaimed. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she said, sobering up. "It's not that. You're wonderful, Arthur. The best boyfriend, really."

"So, uhm, did you find someone else—" He was too afraid to finish the question. Had Sofia cheated on him?

"No, not exactly."

"What do you mean not exactly?"

"Not at all. It's not that I fancy someone else, it's just the more we spend time together, the more I know you and I aren't meant to be."

"But, Sof—"

"It's for the best, Arthur. I'm not what you need."

"Sofia. You're _exactly_ what I need," Arthur said, insisting. "I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. Maybe ask you to move in with me, or we could get a flat together. How can you say that you're not what I need. You're who I want to be with."

"Arthur, you're the best man I know. You're kind, and sweet, and just really caring. I just...I don't know. It's not even something I can point. I just...I'm not happy."

"Oh. It's nothing particular. I'm a wonderful person. I just don't make you happy." It wasn't the first time he'd heard this, in fact, he'd heard this half a dozen times, but he just didn't understand why. No one would tell him what he was doing wrong, because all his ex-girlfriends said he didn't do anything wrong. Except, he just didn't do it for them.

He immediately got up and as he made his way to the door, he saw a small box of his things. Sofia had been too prepared for this. If he wanted to ask her if he could call her sometime, she probably would say no. Without a word, he picked up the box and opened the door to leave Sofia's flat.

"I really am sorry, Arthur," she said.

"I know. Me too." He smiled at her and walked out. He heard the door close behind him and he dropped the box, kicked it, and picked it up again. _Fucking hell_. What was _it_ about him that made him just so damn—unwantable?

He threw his box of stuff in the backseat of his car and when he started to drive, he decided he didn't want to go home. Not yet. He made his way back to the Holy Grail. That was his safe haven, anyway, he could just make himself an _espresso con panna_ and relax. He could think things over and figure out where he went wrong.

When he opened the door to the café, he saw Merlin. 

Arthur groaned. Maybe he shouldn't have been so obvious about his reaction but Merlin was the last person Arthur wanted to see. He'd arrived at Sofia's flat with a foul mood because of the man, and now he was still there.

"I paid for my bloody coffee," Merlin said, uncrossing his legs and standing up from his chair that was near the counter.

"It's fine," Arthur said and made his way back to the office.

"What's wrong, Arthur?" Guinevere asked, but Arthur didn't look at her, either.

"Nothing," he said and slammed the door to his office.

##

An hour later, after Arthur had been blowing off some steam and playing Smash Hit on his Galaxy phone that someone lightly tapped on his door.

It was Gwen. "Everything all right, Arthur?"

He put his phone on the desk and turned to look at her. "Yeah. Fine. I just..." He took in a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "Well, you won't have to worry about fake-liking Sofia anymore."

"What happened?" she asked, walking in further into his office.

"She broke up with me," Arthur said. He didn't feel angry about it. He'd said it as a matter-of-fact. If anything, he was feeling...relieved.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," she said. "I mean. I know I didn't like her but you liked her, and I'm sorry if she hurt you."

Arthur shrugged. "Well, it's done and I can move on. She was kind of a handful, anyway."

"She was, wasn't she?" Guinevere said, slightly teasing. "Did she talk to you about it in her flat?"

Arthur nodded. "Yeah, gave me my box of stuff and everything."

"Oh. She was determined."

"I guess we were in separate relationships or something," Arthur said, shrugging. He was sad it didn't work out, even if he was feeling relieved. 

"What did you like about her?"

"I don't know. She was funny. She was great to play video games with, but then she could also get all dressed up and be the prettiest girl in the room. She laughed at my jokes, didn't think I was stupid, and my parents loved her."

"Did _you_ love her?" Guinevere asked. 

"Of course I did. I was going to ask her to move in with me."

"Can—can I tell you something, Arthur? Promise you won't be angry."

"Sure, Gwen. Go ahead." Arthur wasn't sure what she was going to say but Guinevere wasn't a vindictive person. Whatever she would say, she wouldn't hurt Arthur with it. On purpose.

"You know Lance drives me crazy, right?" she asked and he nodded. "He leaves his laundry everywhere. Makes every kind of excuse to get out of washing the dishes. He's forgetful, and downright dirty at times. He's a bloke, yeah?" Arthur nodded again. "There are times I hate him, I really do, and wish I were single so I could go out with someone who'd just listen to me but you know, what, though?"

"What?" Arthur asked, it sounded like Lance made her miserable. He had no idea.

"I can't _live_ without him. He's _it_ for me," she said. "He makes me laugh like no one else can and even if I'm angry with him, if he walks away, I feel myself shattering."

"What's your point, Gwen?"

She chuckled slightly. "If you didn't make Sofia feel that way, or if that's not how you felt about her, then there's no reason to be sitting in your office sulking."

"I'm not sulking."

"Yeah? What level did you reach on Smash Hit?"

"I'm playing the zen mode. The levels don't matter," Arthur argued. After a brief pause, he added, "okay, I get your point."

"Come out with us tonight," she said and he put his phone down to look at her. The idea of going out didn't sound too bad. But she did say "us," and he couldn't help but wonder who the "us" consisted of.

"Who all's going?"

"Me, Lance, Leon," she said at a normal pace, then, "KaraMerlinMordred."

"Who?"

She sighed heavily and looked like she was resisting rolling her eyes. "Kara. Merlin. Mordred."

"Ah..." he said, before he realised the expression had left him. "I don't know about—"

"He's a really nice bloke, Arthur. You'd like him."

"I'm sure. I just—we already got off on the wrong foot, and I'm not one to—"

"Make apologies, I know. Neither's he. You two are really very similar if you get to know each other. I mean, he's just a friend, and you're my friend, so why not just mingle. It'll take your mind off Sofia."

Arthur considered that. After Sofia had broken up with him tonight, Arthur's mind had wandered over to Merlin for a brief moment and the more he thought about the strange man, the less he cared about his feelings on his break up. No wonder he'd started to feel relieved. Maybe, Merlin would be a good distraction.

 _Wait, that sounds kind of wrong. I'm not attracted to Merlin—he won't be that kind of a distraction_.

"Arthur?" Guinevere said, yanking Arthur out of his thoughts. "So what do you think?"

"Well, if _he's_ okay with it, then I'm okay with it. Just tell me when and where."

She squealed with delight before she kissed him on the cheek and left the room. "I'll text you the details."

Arthur sagged back into his chair before he picked up the phone again and decided to beat the next level of Smash Hit. Zen mode, be damned.

#

The dance floor at Cadbury Castle, by the time Arthur had arrived, was overflowing with people. There wasn't much of a line outside the place, but the inside looked like every single person in Camelot was there. Or every gay person at least.

Arthur had known Cadbury Castle was more queer-friendly than most of the pubs and clubs around Avalon Street, but he didn't realise maybe it was one of their queer take over nights. He didn't mind, though. He liked going to places like these with Sofia in the past, because then very few women gave him any attention, and most men saw him and Sofia together and left them alone.

Except, there was no Sofia tonight. He didn't think it meant that there were going to be hordes of men trying to pull him, just that, it was a reminder. There was no Sofia. Ever.

"Arthur, you made it!" Guinevere came rushing at him and pulled him into a hug. She then took him to a corner table where there were more people standing than sitting. He saw the usual crowds, Lance, Leon, Gwaine, Kara, Elena, Mithian, Mordred, and of course, Merlin who was no longer wearing black tights with a plaid skirt but flare jeans that hung low on his hips and a dark blue tunic. See through. And Embroidered. His eye make-up was more prominent than before, and his hair slicked back giving more of a show towards his glittery ear studs. He was the walking definition of gender fluidity, and Arthur couldn't tell if he was impressed or uncomfortable. Maybe a little bit of both.

It wasn't that Arthur didn't understand there were all sorts of people that made the world go round, but just something about _Merlin_ was setting him off the edge.

"You're staring again," Merlin said, this time, he didn't sound so defensive or put off as before.

"Right, sorry." Arthur flustered as he ran a hand through his hair. "I've had a very long day. I didn't mean to—make you uncomfortable."

Merlin gave him a wry smile. "You didn't make me uncomfortable. Just, if you're going to stare at me _this_ much, might as well buy me a drink first."

Arthur heard Gwaine starting to cough. He looked over at his friend and Gwaine gave him his usual grin. "I'll have a drink, too, Arthur," Gwaine said, "since I'm already seated in the middle."

Arthur shook his head but headed over at the bar. He didn't turn to look, but he knew Merlin was right behind him. He ordered two vodka-tonics for himself and Gwaine, and then he finally turned to look at Merlin. "What are you having?"

Merlin asked for a Grey Goose martini, and Arthur paid for the round. 

They carried their drinks back when Kara immediately stood up and pulled Mordred and Mithian to the dance floor. She tried to get some more of the group to go with her, but no one else seemed to be drunk enough. Yet.

Arthur slid into the booth next to Gwaine and before he realised what was happening, Merlin slid in next to him. He looked as though he wasn't too thrilled about it, either, since it looked like Guinevere's idea.

Arthur edged slightly closer to Gwaine and started speaking to Leon, who was on his other side. Leon and Arthur had practically grown up together, and he'd even dated Arthur's sister before he got engaged to Mithian. He was glad to see Leon there, because then he knew he'd at least have one friend that night. Leon and Mithian had been the ones that'd introduced Arthur to Sofia, and the fact none of them mentioned her tonight, at all, Arthur knew they were already aware.

Eventually, Lance went up to the bar for another round and he brought drinks over for Arthur, Gwaine and Leon. By the time Arthur and turned to his side, Merlin was no longer there. Unsure if he was relieved or upset by this — _Why would be upset by it_? Arthur was well on his way of getting tipsy. Perhaps, it was too late for him to realise he actually hadn't eaten anything all day.

After having one more drink, Arthur made his way out of the club and to the alley around the corner. He didn't like smoking in front of his friends. Guinevere would only give him a lecture on it and the rest of the girls would act severely put off, even though Arthur knew that both Mithian and Kara smoked when no one was around.

By the time he lit up his cigarette, he spotted Merlin, and noticed Merlin had seen him too. Social obligations dictated he at least approach the bloke since they _had_ been sitting together at the same table. He nodded and took a few steps towards Merlin when he noticed there was another man there. Arthur stopped in his tracks. What had the other man and Merlin doing there? Were they snogging and was Arthur going to interrupt—whatever was going on. He immediately turned around and walked away. Best to avoid any awkwardness before they even occurred.

Ten minutes later, Arthur went back into the club and to the table where his friends had been. Merlin was there. The man Arthur had seen in the alley, was not.

Arthur went straight to the bar and placed two orders for chips and a stout. He sipped his drink slowly as he waited for the food order to arrive. Right when he was getting ready to pay, Merlin appeared next to him.

"Hi," Merlin said, looking a bit flushed in the cheeks and Arthur figured he was a bit drunk, too.

"Hi. I ordered some chips for us," Arthur said.

"Mmm. Sounds great!" Merlin said, smiling. "Can you also get me a water?"

"Sure," Arthur said and then paid the bartender for two bottles of water. He gave one to Merlin, and kept the other for himself. "Having a good night?"

"Yeah. You?"

"It's all right," Arthur said.

"Are you still hung up on...Maria?"

"Sofia," Arthur said, laughing. "No. It's not so bad, actually. She hated coming here."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She didn't like the way the men looked at me or something," Arthur said. It was so odd, really. Sofia used to complain about how Arthur never stared at other women when they went out. Arthur had always thought most girls would have liked that, but then Sofia wasn't like most girls. Or maybe, Arthur wasn't like most men.

 _Where did that thought come from_?

The bartender brought the two orders of chips over, and Arthur handed one of them to Merlin. They made their way back to the table and discovered Lance, Guinevere, Kara and Mordred had left. 

"Bugger," Merlin complained.

"What's the matter?" Arthur asked, stuffing his face as eloquently as he could. 

"They were my lift home. Shit. I wished they'd told me they were leaving. I don't know if I'll be able to find a taxi. It always gets so busy after the club lets out."

The idea of Merlin trying to look for a taxi in the middle of the night, dressed like _that_ , worried Arthur. He opened his mouth to offer, when Gwaine chimed in for him.

"Maybe Arthur can drop you off. He doesn't live that far from you."

"Sure," Arthur said, as nonchalantly as possible. "I'll just have to wait a while because I drank the first few a bit too fast. I don't want to drive drunk."

"You don't have to," Merlin said, then looked away from the table. "I don't want to put you out—"

"It's fine, really," Arthur said before Merlin could turn him down completely. He really was worried for the man's safety. "It's probably not a good idea for you to be alone looking for a taxi—"

"I'll be fine."

"I'm sure. But, I insist. And Gwaine said you don't live that far away—" 

"Gwaine thinks the Queen doesn't live that far away," Merlin said, laughing. "I'll be fine. I have to go find my friend, anyway."

Without a glance back, Merlin got up and walked away from the table. Arthur slightly frowned and then when he looked back at his group of friends, they were all staring at him.

"What?" he snapped.

"Nothing," they all said in near unison.

"What the actual fuck?" Arthur said and the table fell silent.

"You seemed a bit taken with him," Mithian said, breaking the silence. She was never afraid of Arthur. He liked that about her. 

"He doesn't have a lift, and I don't want him to get into any trouble. I mean, I just met the bloke. I'd do that for any of you," Arthur said, and he could feel his brows furrowing. 

"You like him," Leon said; it was low enough for only the members of their table to hear, but it wasn't a question.

"I—what?" Arthur felt like he was being cornered. "I am straight." Leon raised an eyebrow at that. "Okay, I kissed a bloke once. That doesn't mean anything." When everyone at the table still looked at him sceptically, Arthur added, "I like girls."

"You did a bit more than kiss, Arthur," Elena provided helpfully. Curse her for catching Arthur off-guard that one time, and him telling her everything.

Gwaine spoke before Arthur could defend himself. "And Merlin...he's well a bit more Androgynous than really a man or a woman." He stopped for a moment and looked at Elena. "How much more than kiss?"

She opened her mouth to say something, but Arthur cut her off. "Listen, mates, really. I know what you're trying to do. Actually, I have no idea what you're trying to do, but this is all going a bit too fast for me. Sofia and I just broke it off _today_. And I'm just here to have a good time with my friends. I'm not looking to snog or date or whatever anyone else. Especially someone who..." Arthur paused because he was just about to say that _someone who I've seen in the alley with another man,_ but he decided to keep Merlin's secret — or whatever it was.

"I'm not interested. I met him today and we didn't get off on the right foot and Gwen asked me to try to be his friend. That's all."

He shook his head and was about to get up off the table and walk away when Merlin came back with the same bloke from the alley. "Hi everyone. This is Cenred. He said he can give me a lift home."

Everyone at the table waved at Cenred collectively and he nodded at them. Then, he looked at Arthur. "Hey, you work at that coffee shop—"

"Yeah, I own it," Arthur snapped. _Okay, where did that come from_? "Sorry," he added quickly to save himself some embarrassment. "I think I've had too much to drink. I'm going to get some air." He stood up quickly, and walked out the door, brushing past Merlin.

Ten minutes and two more cigarettes later, Arthur walked back into the club. He was feeling more sober so he thought he might as well say goodbye to his friends and leave. From the corner of his eye, he saw Merlin and Cenred dancing. Cenred had his arms around Merlin's waist and he'd pulled him closer. As Arthur watched, Cenred was trying to kiss Merlin, and Merlin simply smiled and tilted his head so Cenred's lips met his cheeks, instead. Cenred playfully bit on Merlin's neck after, and Merlin started to laugh. All the while, his hands on Merlin's body were growing bolder and one of them reached down and squeezed Merlin's arse. 

Arthur had no idea why he'd continued watching. He had no idea why watching that was angering him. He decided to look away and head to his table. 

"Feeling better?" Leon asked when Arthur sat down next to him. It seemed Gwaine was also on the dance floor with Elena, and Mithian was somewhere else. 

"Yeah, I think I'm going to head out," Arthur said. "Where's Mithian?"

"The loo," Leon said. "I was thinking we were probably going to leave too, but she wants to stay and make sure Merlin does get a lift home."

"What about Cenred?"

Leon shrugged. "Mithian doesn't trust him."

Arthur didn't blame her. He didn't either, but he had a feeling his reasons to not trust the bloke might have been different than hers, and he didn't want to think too much about that.

"So you're still trying to convince yourself you're straight?"

Arthur looked at Leon and frowned. "It was a one-time thing and it happened two years ago."

"And you've never had those thoughts again?"

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You can't build a home with a man." He cringed at his father's words that had been instilled into him since Arthur had expressed his interest in men and confessed to his father.

"I know that's Uther talk, Arthur. You have to care about what you want."

"I don't know what I want. I thought I wanted Sofia and now I'm single. I just want to focus on opening the second coffee shop like I'd planned."

"Fair enough," Leon said, nodding. "Just promise me you won't hide behind this break up to deny yourself happiness."

"Leon—"

"I know you, Arthur. Better than anyone here. You're going to wallow over Sofia, even though you didn't really like her. Just promise me, if you like Merlin, you'll try something with him. Or another bloke. _If_ you like another bloke. Don't try to stay straight."

"Easy for you to say. You are straight."

Leon chuckled. "Yeah. But if I'd stayed with Morgana..."

"Right. I get your point."

##

An hour later, Leon, Mithian, and Arthur were still at Cadbury Castle. Mithian looked like she was falling asleep on Leon's shoulder so Arthur convinced them to leave.

"I'll be here," he said, "I promise."

After much convincing, Leon left with Mithian and Gwaine and Elena were still on the dance floor. Arthur went up to the bar to purchase another bottle of water. He was definitely sobered enough to drive. 

"Hey, you're still here," Merlin said as Arthur turned away from the bar and looked into the thinning crowd. 

"Yeah. Just about clear headed I think," Arthur said.

"They told you to stay and keep an eye on me, didn't they?" Merlin asked, his smile fading.

"Who?"

"Arthur..."

"Gwaine and Elena are still here," Arthur said, sounding as if he were defending himself, even though he had no reason to do so.

"They're snogging and have no idea if I'm still here," Merlin said.

"Do they have a reason to not trust your judgement?"

Merlin shrugged. "Cenred is a friend. I know he likes me more than I like him. And he tries to—you know—"

"What? Kiss you and you don't want to kiss him?" Arthur asked and Merlin nodded. "Then why do you dance with him... _like that_?"

"You were watching me?" Merlin asked, sounding annoyed.

"I was watching everyone," Arthur said, calmly. "I thought he might be your boyfriend or something."

"No. He wants to be. Or at least fuck me..."

"Jesus, Merlin," Arthur said, getting angry. "Listen to yourself! Can you trust this man to take you home after you've been drinking if his sole agenda is to get into your knickers?"

"He's a friend."

Arthur shook his head. "You should be more careful."

"What the fuck, Arthur? What are you? My knight in shining armour?"

"No, mate. I'm just looking out for you."

"I don't need looking after!" Merlin spat and turned to walk away.

"Hey," Arthur said, pulling on Merlin's arm. He took a step closer to Merlin and now there was no personal space left between them. Merlin smelled like cranberry mixed with sweat mixed with something citrusy. He smelled like a man, but he smelled _sweet_ and sensual. What the hell was _wrong_ with Arthur?

"Let me take you home. If he's really just a friend, he won't mind, and he'll call you tomorrow to make sure you're all right."

Merlin visibly hesitated and for a quick second, Arthur thought his gaze had fallen on Arthur's lips before he released himself of Arthur's grasp. 

"You're probably right," Merlin said and Arthur sighed with relief.

"Good."

"And only because I'm ready to go home and Cenred needs to sober up also. He said he was willing to take a taxi home and come back to pick up his car tomorrow."

Arthur shook his head but didn't say anything. The oldest trick in the book. "Do you want to say bye to your friend Gwaine?"

Merlin twisted his face as if he were thinking it over. He looked around the dance floor and spotted Gwaine and Elena dancing intimately. "No, I'll call him tomorrow."

"What about Cenred?"

"Let's just go," Merlin said impatiently and started to walk towards the exit. Arthur dutifully followed him.

##

When Arthur pulled up in front of Merlin's condo-building, he felt unusually anxious. He and Merlin had barely talked on the way there from the Cadbury Castle, except for when Merlin was giving him directions. Now, he just sat staring at the wheel.

"Thanks," Merlin murmured quietly. "You didn't have to—"

"I know. I wanted to," Arthur said. "I should get going, though. I'm opening up the shop tomorrow and—"

"Right, of course," Merlin said and smiled at Arthur before he opened the door and walked out.

Arthur stared at the seat where Merlin had been at for a long time. He had no idea what he was doing. He placed his hand on the leather and felt the warmth of Merlin's body. Could his friends be right? Did he _like_ Merlin? He'd just met him. It was totally not realistic to like someone like that, and so fast. They had got off on the wrong foot, and he was just being nice. That's all.

Eventually, he drove off and went to his flat. Gwaine had been right. Merlin didn't live that far away from him. He was home in ten minutes and as he walked through the door, he realised something. He didn't have Merlin's number. 

_Do I want to call him? What would I even say_?

Deciding not to dwell on thoughts that had no merit, Arthur headed off to bed.

##

It was five days later, when Arthur saw Merlin again. He knew that Merlin had walked into the Holy Grail before he even looked up. It was a feeling, really, but he was right. The bell on top of the door made a small sound and Arthur schooled his expression before looking on.

For the first few days, especially during Guinevere's shift, Arthur had thought Merlin would stop by and he hadn't. Then, finally, when Guinevere wasn't even there, he knew Merlin was there.

"Hi," Merlin said, walking in through the door, and his 'hi' was so loud everyone in the café turned around to look at him. "Sorry," he said smiling to the patrons.

"Hi, Merlin," Arthur said in his professional tone and stood behind the till.

"I just came from the library and we had to be so quiet in there I didn't realise I was just extra loud," Merlin said, laughing. 

"You were studying?" Arthur said; he had no idea that Merlin was a student. 

"Yeah. Just had our group project meeting. My mates were all going out to get a drink, but I didn't want to; not since last week and I thought about you, so I decided to stop by."

"Oh. Nice," Arthur said, smiling. "What can I get for you?"

"I'll have a cinnamon mocha, if you please," Merlin said and he removed his bag. Arthur assumed to look for his wallet. He didn't seem to have any pockets since he was wearing a pleated skirt with a t-shirt and a blazer.

"It's on the house," Arthur said and turned to make Merlin's drink. 

When he handed Merlin the mocha, he had his credit card in hand. "Are you sure?" Merlin asked.

"Definitely. Make up for the first time when I didn't treat you like a proper customer."

Merlin shrugged. "I'm used to people being rude to me or staring at me, so it's okay. Sorry I gave _you_ a rough time. I shouldn't start an argument with Gwen's boss. I mean you could have sacked her for being friends with me."

Arthur frowned at the thought. He would never do such a thing. Did he really come off as such a wanker to Merlin? Did Guinevere think so low of him, too?

"I didn't mean anything by it," Merlin said, obviously realising Arthur's discomfort. 

"It's fine.” Arthur said. “Water under the bridge and all that." 

Merlin smiled and put the credit card back in his wallet. "Do you mind if I hang out here for a bit?" he asked. "I've got some papers to grade, and I'm afraid my flatmate has her boyfriend over and they're either playing video games really loudly or having really loud sex. Either way, I can't concentrate at home."

"I thought you were a student?" Arthur asked, confused. He came around the counter as there were no other customers in line and gestured towards the comfortable sofa that was in the corner. It was Arthur's favourite place in the café. He wiped the table clean and pulled out the chair and sat as Merlin took a seat on the sofa.

"I am. I also a GTA. That's how I can afford to pay for my Ph.D."

"A GTA?" Arthur asked. He had no idea what that was. He'd only received his Bachelor's in Business Management, then worked with his father for a few years before he opened up his café. 

"Did you ever have a graduate student teach one of your classes when you were at uni?" Merlin asked and Arthur nodded. "That's a GTA. A Graduate Teaching Assistant. It's a tough competition to get in, but if you do, you get paid well and get your Master's degree practically free. Well, you still have to pay for books, and they can be ridiculously expensive."

"So you're a student and you teach?" Arthur asked. "Wow. That's a lot of time spent in school."

"It's going to be my career, so yeah. I have to learn to love it. Which I do, of course. I love being near other Academics."

"What are you studying?" Arthur asked as he started to read the titles of the books Merlin had placed on the table and then opened up his laptop.

"Gender Studies. I have a Bachelor's in Anthropology. Then I went for my Postgraduate degree in Gender Studies. So now I'm pursuing a Ph.D." Merlin answered. For obvious reasons, that didn't surprise Arthur. 

"And you want to teach it, too?"

Merlin nodded. "Eventually. I am doing the Ph.D. programme right now, then I want to travel and learn about other cultures. Study under different professors all over the world. Then, I want to come back to Camelot and teach. I mean it doesn't have to be Camelot. If I get offered a professorship at Harvard, or some Ivy League university in the States or Oxford...you get the idea."

"Sounds like an incredible opportunity. The world's your oyster," Arthur said, hoping he sounded supportive. The idea that Merlin would move away to another part of the world, and Arthur might not ever see him again didn't exactly settle well with him. 

_What is your problem? You just met the bloke, all of two times. Why do you care if he moves to Vietnam?_

Before Arthur could say anything else, the bell rang again and he had a new customer. He smiled at Merlin and got up to cater to the family of three that had just walked in.

"Hey, Arthur," Merlin called when Arthur had just about reached the counter.

"Yeah?"

"What's the WiFi password?"

"Oh," Arthur said, slightly blushing. "It's Excalibur."

Arthur wasn't sure but he thought he heard Merlin chuckle and utter, _that's brilliant_.

##

It wasn't long until Arthur's favourite spot at the café, also became Merlin's favourite spot. He started coming to the coffee shop every other day. At first, he came by himself, but on the days Guinevere was working, Merlin usually hosted his group meetings there. She told Arthur she was glad he allowed Merlin and his friends to hang out there, and she seemed eternally grateful Arthur gave them pastries for half off.

Sometimes, one of Merlin's classmates would come to the counter and chat with Arthur. He liked most of them. Most of them. The one he couldn't stand was Angelica. Angelica had a bit of a habit of wearing low cut shirts, which Arthur didn't mind, but she'd bend over the counter and try to give Arthur a show. Once, she'd even come into his office and "jokingly," according to her, propositioned him.

Sure, it took all kinds of people to make the world go round, but Arthur didn't care for _her_.

Angelica's antics were so obvious even Guinevere had started to comment on them. "Angelica seems to really like you," she said one evening when they were slow and Arthur was cleaning out the cappuccino machine.

Arthur didn't say anything and shook his head. He wasn't going to talk about this. "You know that she begged Merlin to let her in his study group after she found out you and he were friends."

"What? Why?" Arthur asked, surprised to hear this news.

"Yeah. I bet you hadn't even noticed her before she started coming in with the group."

"Why, did she come in a lot?"

Guinevere laughed. _Laughed_ at Arthur. "Yeah, Arthur. She came in twice a week. She was always trying to make eyes at you, but...I thought you were acting. As if you didn't know she was flirting with you. I thought it was because of your loyalty towards Sofia, but I guess you really hadn't."

"I hadn't," Arthur said. "She didn't say she was a usual customer when Merlin introduced her—"

"Of course not."

"Hey, so we're calling it a night." Merlin seemed to come out of nowhere and gave Arthur a start. He hoped Merlin hadn't overheard the conversation between him and Guinevere.

"Oh, you're coming by tonight, right?" Guinevere asked him and Merlin grinned at her. He really did have a brilliant smile, Arthur thought.

"Wouldn't miss it," Merlin said and went back to the table to gather his stuff. 

Arthur watched Merlin as he walked away. He was wearing dark blue skinny jeans that were rolled up, with combat boots, a loose v-neck shirt, and a black blazer. He wasn't exactly dressed very femme today but the look wasn't a screaming statement of masculinity, either.

It took some getting used to, but Arthur was truly starting to appreciate Merlin's style. Of course, it had helped that he and Merlin had had lengthy conversations about who Merlin was and how he'd described himself.

Arthur was used to the world being more black and white, straight and gay, male and female. The more he learned about gender identity versus gender expression, the more Arthur's world was opening towards the possibility of describing his own sexuality.

He'd told Leon and Elena about his brief history of dabbling in sexual encounters with men, but he didn't dare disclose that information to anyone else. Especially Merlin. He was still slightly uncomfortable around Merlin. He didn't want to focus on why. It could have been because Merlin didn't fit into the mould Arthur's father had so frightfully drilled into Arthur's mind-set, or worse, that Arthur actually _liked_ Merlin.

Still, there was very little about Merlin that one couldn't like. No wonder Cenred was mad over him.

When Arthur looked away from Merlin at his favourite spot of the café, he saw Guinevere watching him.

"What?" he asked, as he felt his face burn. He only _hoped_ that he hadn't started to blush profusely. 

"Nothing," she said, saving them both some embarrassment and returned to her work. "By the way, are you coming tonight?"

"What's tonight?" Arthur asked. He'd just heard Merlin and Guinevere discuss it, but he didn't want to intrude in their conversation.

"Are you serious, Arthur?" she asked, sounding annoyed. "I only told you about Lance's birthday party half a dozen times."

"Bugger. I totally forgot about it!" Arthur said. He honestly had. He'd thought it was next weekend and tonight, he was going to work on balancing the accounting and figure out how much more money he needed to open his second café. Although, a night out with friends did sound better.

"Please don't tell me you made other plans!"

"You made other plans?" Merlin came by the counter again. 

"Bloody hell, you've got to stop sneaking up on us like that!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Sorry," Merlin said, looking sheepish.

"It's fine, Merlin," Guinevere said, looking frustrated. "So you're really not going to make it? You know even Morgana is coming."

"Morgana? How's that going to go over with Leon?"

"We're all adults, you know," she said. "Besides, they'd broken up ages ago."

"I know, I was just—"

"Sofia's coming, too. Mithian invited her."

Arthur took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. It was still greasy from fixing the cappuccino machine and now he was sure the grease was all over his hair. "If you didn't want me to come, Gwen, you should have just not told me about the party."

"But—"

"What else? Is Merlin going to bring Angelica?"

"God, no!" both Guinevere and Merlin spoke at the same time.

"I mean. Unless you like—Angelica?" Merlin asked. Arthur couldn't distinguish what Merlin's tone indicated, and he wondered if that's what a disappointed Merlin sounded like. Maybe he was reading too much into it.

"I don't fancy anyone," Arthur said, determined. "I just forgot, okay? And now with my sister, her ex-boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend are all going to be at the same party where I--never mind. So, what's not to love?"

"Sounds like a colossally chaotic cultural crisis. An anthropologist's wet dream," Merlin joked and Arthur glared at him. "Sorry!" he said, raising his hands up in surrender. "But I do hope you'll make it. I haven't been to a party in ages."

Then, with a quick nod, Merlin was out the door. Guinevere watched him walk away and shook her head. After that, she gave Arthur a look he couldn't decipher. "I want you there, Lance wants you there, and even _Merlin_ wants you there. So I hope you'll consider stopping by."

"I will," Arthur promised, returning to work.

##

Given Arthur had forgotten about Lance's birthday party, he didn't really have much time to come up with the right gift. On his way to Lance and Guinevere's flat, Arthur made a stop at Draft House and picked up a gift certificate. Draft House was Camelot's biggest brewpub and also happened to be Lance's favourite. He figured getting a gift that wasn't just for Lance but also something that can be served up as date-night ideas would get him off the hook with Guinevere's anger. He felt bad the details of the party had slipped his mind.

As soon as he arrived, he was in a foul mood because of seeing the last person he wanted to see there. It wasn't Morgana, Sofia, or Angelica, but Cenred. At Arthur's frown, Cenred gave him a look of confusion. Naturally, he had no idea why Arthur was frowning. They'd only briefly met that one time weeks ago.

"Hi, I'm Cenred," he said.

"Arthur."

"Of course. Merlin's new best friend," Cenred said jokingly, but Arthur was sure he picked up a hint of sarcasm or disdain in there.

"He likes my coffee," Arthur said, shrugging.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Cenred said and with a curt nod, turned and walked away.

The rest of the party welcomed Arthur's presence. Guinevere was happy to see him, and Lance was happy with his birthday gift. Arthur tried to look around inconspicuously since he still hadn't seen Merlin when Mithian caught his eye. He smiled at her and looked away. Maybe she'd think he was looking for Sofia.

And as if it was right on cue, someone tapped on his shoulder and called his name. Sofia's soft voice rang through Arthur. He hadn't forgotten how disappointed he was about their break up. Maybe it was his last attempt at a normal life, and with their breaking up, all hopes of pleasing his father had probably been shattered too.

"It's good to see you," Arthur said, without any hesitation and a genuine smile on his face. She looked good. She'd always been ridiculously pretty, there was no doubt about that, still Arthur couldn't see why he wanted to settle down with her, after all.

"You too. I was worried it'd be weird for me to be here—"

"No. Of course, not. We can still be friends, right?"

She smiled graciously and gave him a quick hug. "I hope so."

"So are you here with someone?" he asked, then ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry, is that a weird question?"

"No." She smiled. "And no. I'm still single. You?"

"Still single," he said, nodding as he bit the inside of his cheek.

"Arthur." _Merlin_.

Arthur turned around immediately as he heard Merlin's voice. It too, gave him a bit of a start like Sofia's voice had; still, his heart didn't beat a million miles per second before. "Hi, Merlin. This is Sofia. Sofia, I'm not sure if you know Merlin. He's—uhm—Gwen and Lance's friend."

"Hi!" Sofia said excitedly and offered to shake Merlin's hand. "I _love_ that jacket."

Merlin wore a fitted denim jacket with leather sleeves on top of a sweater-dress type thing with black skinny jeans and boots. He looked incredible. His hips hugged the sweater just right and Arthur had a very odd desire to pull him in and hold him. He resisted. Because that would be weird, and they were not together in any shape or form. They were just friends.

"Excuse me," Merlin said and quickly walked away from Arthur and Sofia. Arthur had never seen him move so fast and had no idea what was bothering him.

"I—uh—" Arthur turned to Sofia and she looked completely bemused. "I should go find out what's wrong," he said and followed after Merlin.

Arthur saw Merlin walk up the stairs and figured he was going towards the balcony on the second floor. He didn't waste his time with any pleasantries. Something was clearly wrong and Arthur had to find out why.

"Merlin," he whispered when he opened the glass door to the balcony and then closed it behind him. "What’s the—"

Merlin turned around to look at him and Arthur saw tears in his eyes. "Sorry. I'm just being a bit of a drama queen," Merlin said and turned away. He wiped his eyes with his hands and Arthur approached him, reluctantly placing his hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"What's the matter? Did Cenred do something?" Arthur asked, keeping control on his voice as to not show any anger towards Cenred. 

"No." Merlin responded, laughing. "I had no idea Sofia was that beautiful."

Oh. 

"Merlin..."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I thought—I don't know. It looked like you two were getting back to—"

"You heard me tonight at the café. I didn't want to see her. Why would I be getting back together with her?"

"I don't know. Maybe you still like her?" Merlin said. The tears were gone and his voice was starting to sound normal again. Whatever storm had brewed up inside Merlin seemed to pass. 

Arthur laughed. "You see me all the time, and we talk, yeah?" he asked and Merlin nodded. Arthur placed his hands on Merlin's shoulder and turned him around. "Hey..." He lifted Merlin's chin so they could be eye-to-eye. "When did I last discuss her or any plans to want to be back with her?"

Merlin shrugged and pulled himself away from Arthur's embrace. "I'm sure you don't tell me all your deep and dark secrets."

"You're right. I don't. But we're friends, and if I fancied someone or still pined over my ex-girlfriend, I would tell you."

"Friends. Right," Merlin said, sounding disappointed.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Merlin?" Arthur asked. His heart rate was back to its sprinting, and he didn't know what he'd do if Merlin told him the words he wanted to hear. The words Arthur still couldn't get himself to even think. 

But you want to hear them from him? Isn't that bit hypocritical?

"No. Sorry. I just over reacted. It sucks to be the only single friend in your social circle and I thought you and I were you know—the only ones unattached and I kind of liked that."

Arthur smiled and rubbed the back of his hand against Merlin's cheek. He didn't want to question why he was doing that; except it was a comfort thing, and he wanted to comfort Merlin. "I kind of like that too."

Merlin leaned into the touch and as if he'd realised what he'd been doing, he pulled away from Arthur. "We should get back."

They returned to the first floor and back to the party right in time to find everyone doing shots. Leon grabbed two small glasses and handed them to Merlin and Arthur as everyone toasted and cheered for Lance's birthday.

Eventually, Arthur lost his visual on Merlin and figured he'd just gone off to dance in the next room where the music was blaring.

#

"You know he'll never love you."

Arthur went out to the porch on the first floor to get some air when he stumbled into a private conversation. He thought he recognised Cenred's voice.

"It's not about that."

That was Merlin's voice. Arthur wondered if he should have walked away to give him his privacy, but he just couldn't help himself. He needed to know what they were talking about.

"He's straight," Cenred said, "and he's toying with you. Even if he fucks you, he won't be anything more. You know who his father is."

"How is that different from what you want to do?" Merlin asked, and Arthur heard the disdain in his voice. "At least he tries to be my friend. You just want to hike up my skirt and fuck me."

Good for Merlin, Arthur thought.

"You know I want more. I'm not the same person when I'm with you. I want you — a relationship."

"It's not possible, Cenred. I'm sorry but I've told you multiple times. I just don't feel that way about you."

"So you'll just pine over someone you can't have. Go and sit at his café, stare at him all night, and then what? Go home and get off wishing it was his hand on you. His mouth sucking your cock?"

Merlin didn't say anything.

The idea of touching Merlin, being with him like that was something Arthur had never allowed himself to imagine. There were just way too many questions he didn't want to answer. But for someone else to say them, and for him to know that's how Merlin felt was making it hard for him to breathe.

"You don't understand. You'll never understand," Merlin said, finally.

"Just let me—" There was some rustling of clothes and it all became quiet until Arthur heard Merlin groan.

"Get off me!"

"Merlin—"

"I think he told you to stop," Arthur said, walking into the light so both Cenred and Merlin could see him.

"Arthur," Merlin said, surprised.

"You've got a lot of nerve coming here. You like toying with Merlin, don't you?"

"I think you should leave Merlin alone," Arthur said, ignoring whatever accusations Cenred was going to be throwing at him. "Merlin, do you want to get out of here."

"You're not taking him anywhere." Cenred's grip on Merlin's arm tightened and so did the feeling in Arthur's chest. If Cenred didn't take his hands off Merlin, Arthur was going to punch him. 

"I don't answer to you, Cenred. I don't answer to anyone," Merlin said and yanked himself free.

"Hey." Cenred pulled on Merlin's arm, and it was perhaps harder than he'd intended it to be, because Merlin nearly went flying and his back hit the railing of the porch. A moment later, he fell on the ground and his body sagged on the floor. 

"Get your hands off him!" Arthur charged towards Cenred and pulled on his collar. "You need to get the fuck out of here before I send you to the hospital."

"Merlin!" Cenred tried to reach towards Merlin but Arthur yanked him back with his collar.

"I said, get OUT!"

Arthur knelt down and checked on Merlin. "Are you okay?" He heard footsteps reproached and was glad Cenred had finally left.

"Yeah. Sorry!" Merlin said, and Arthur could tell he was holding his tears back. He brushed Merlin's face with the back of his hand again and then started to massage the back of his neck. God, he just wanted to hold Merlin and tell him everything was going to be okay. That he was going to protect Merlin and be there for him for as long as he wanted. 

He had the urge to pick Merlin up and carry him out of the flat and put him into his car and drive far far away, but he resisted. 

"Sorry, Arthur," Merlin said again wiped his eyes with his palms. "I'm just having a shit night. Crying like a girl—"

"Hey, I thought you didn't believe in society's gender rules. Aren’t you above all of that?" Arthur didn't let go of his hold on Merlin. He squeezed his shoulder, then went back to massaging the back of his neck. "If you want to cry. You cry. Like Merlin."

Merlin gave him a soft smile and he started to stand up so Arthur backed up. "Spoken like the true cisgender male knight you are."

Arthur shrugged. "We all have our flaws." He smiled and for the first time ever, wrapped his arm around Merlin's arm and pulled him in for a hug. 

Merlin immediately wrapped his arms around Arthur. "Mine's: I trust too easily."

"That's not a flaw, Merlin. If you weren't like that, you wouldn't have given me a second chance."

"And then what would've happened?"

"We wouldn't have become friends," Arthur said.

"Right. Friends." Merlin released his hold on Merlin and started to pull away. 

"Remember upstairs how I asked you if you had something to tell me?" Arthur asked, and Merlin nodded looking nervous. "Maybe, I should tell you _I_ have something...to tell you."

"What?" Merlin asked in a whisper. 

"Maybe..." Arthur started to speak slowly, searching for the right words since he'd never said something like this out loud. "I'm not as straight as people think, and I want to be more than just friends. With you."

"Oh," Merlin said.

"Not like an experiment or something if that's what you're thinking. More like, I want to date you. You know like dinner and cinema and coffee — which I mean at a different café not the Holy Grail. A date at a coffee shop or even a tea shop—"

"Arthur."

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking."

"Okay," Arthur said and he looked at Merlin for a reaction. He was apprehensive maybe he'd read the entire situation wrong and Merlin didn't want anything to do with him. Maybe Cenred was talking about someone else and not Arthur.

Merlin grinned at him and took Arthur's hand in his own. "Do you want to go inside and get a drink?"

"Sure," Arthur said and they walked back to the party, hand in hand. "Can this be our first date?"

Merlin's smile was all the answer Arthur needed.

##

Arthur woke up as the room spun around and his head blasting with pain. He had no idea where he was. As he tried to remember, all he saw were shot glasses and everyone around him doing multiple quantities of them. Was he still at Lance and Guinevere's flat? He had no idea.

Something next to him stirred slightly and he turned to look. Merlin.

Then everything started to rush back quickly. Shots. They were too drunk to drive so they crashed in the guest room. Merlin had locked the door. They'd started to get undressed, then—nothing. Did he even kiss Merlin? Arthur had no idea. Surely, if he'd kissed Merlin, he would have remembered it.

Arthur inspected the room around him. His jeans, socks, and shoes were on the floor. He was still wearing his t-shirt and shorts. He turned to his side and arched himself up on his elbow. The view in front of him was...breathtaking.

Merlin was on top of the covers, sleeping on his stomach and wearing nothing but Hello Kitty boy shorts. Women's underwear hadn't really done much for Arthur before, and now he realised why. It was because he always saw them on the wrong type of person. "Boy shorts." Girls' underwear on Merlin was something else completely.

They covered just the right amount of his arse and Merlin's skin looked smooth and silky making Arthur long to touch it. This was it. After this, there was no going back. 

A sort of heat rose up in Arthur's stomach and his cock twitched.

There was no more pretending he was straight, or that blokes didn't do anything for him. Because, no matter how he dressed, Merlin had man parts and Arthur wanted to explore them.

"Merlin," Arthur said, running his fingers through Merlin's hair. That was the bit he could let himself touch so far. He wasn't allowed to touch Merlin anywhere else, yet.

"Hmm..." Merlin shifted in the bed and edged closer to Arthur, but didn't open his eyes.

"Did we fast forward through our dates and end up in bed together, already?" Arthur asked, amused. He caressed Merlin's face and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "Because I was really looking forward to our first kiss."

Merlin opened his eyes and looked like he was trying to recognise Arthur.

"Arthur?" he asked with his voice slightly squealing.

"Morning," Arthur said. 

"What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh, Jesus, my head hurts."

"Right with you on that one." Arthur smiled and looked down at Merlin's arse again. "So tell me why you're naked?"

"What?" Merlin shrieked and sat up. "Shite!" he said and in lightning speed, got under the covers.

"So I take it you don't remember, either?" Arthur asked and Merlin shook his head. "Nice knickers by the way."

Merlin groaned and hid his face in the pillow.

"Hey, I like them."

"I wasn't ready for that."

"Ready for what?"

Merlin sighed. "I was going to dress like a normal person, and wear proper underw—"

"Merlin. I like your...expression. You don't have to change yourself for me. You told me you could never change yourself for anyone. Society. Person you date. Whatever."

"I know, but I wanted you to like me."

"I—uh—do like you."

Merlin turned to look at him and his gaze fell on Arthur's lips as he bit his own lower lip. Arthur instinctively licked his own lips. "So about the kiss—"

"I don't think we kissed yet," Merlin said.

"Good, because I want to remember it."

Merlin smiled at him and Arthur gently leaned down. He pressed his lips on Merlin's and his arm, almost on its own instinct, pulled Merlin closer. Maybe it wasn't the best of situations to kiss in. There was the after taste of stale alcohol, morning breath and the tortillas and guac they'd had, but still, Merlin tasted sweet. 

Merlin arched up and deepened the kiss as Arthur parted his lips and Merlin's tongue snuck in.

"Arthur!" Merlin groaned as they broke apart and Arthur pulled him closer as they were under the covers. He wanted to feel all of Merlin against him. He didn't stop getting them nearer until Arthur's groin was brushing against Merlin.

He was so turned on by that. To feel Merlin against him. To hear him groan his name, and to know he was aroused for Arthur was ridiculously sexy.

Still, he was nervous. Could he do this? Could he be with Merlin and please him? Arthur had had a bad track record when it came to sex. Most of the women he'd dated had all complained about it -- in one way or another. But this was different. It was a man. It was Merlin.

"What all have you done before?" Merlin asked quietly as his hips thrust against Arthur.

Arthur felt as though the beating of his heart was so loud it echoed in the room. "I had a bloke suck me off once. I was at a club, and we'd gone to my car to—"

"And besides that?" Merlin asked, his hand raking over Arthur's chest, and then his stomach before he gently massaged the hair below his navel.

Arthur released a low groan. God, he was unbearably hard. What was Merlin doing to him? "When I was young, in college, me and this boy, he was seventeen, and I was sixteen—we touched each other and got off—"

Merlin released a low moan, guiding Arthur's hand down to touch him. "Do you want to do that? With me, I mean?" His voice was shaking and Arthur knew how he felt. Arthur was terrified.

Arthur hesitated for a brief second. Yes, he wanted to do this. Now he was allowed to think about this, to tell Merlin how he felt and not be ashamed. He _needed_ to do this. 

"But...dating?"

Merlin chuckled slightly. "Do you no longer plan to take me on dates, after we—" 

"No. Of course I do." Maybe Merlin was trying to hint dating had different rules when it came to men and women. But Arthur didn't just want to assume something and jump into bed with Merlin. He wanted to do it right. Show him he liked Merlin for who he was, but his body had its own ideas. His cock twitched to feel Merlin's hands on him. It was begging for a release Arthur knew only Merlin's touch could provide.

"Good, then I can tell you I want you. I've wanted you since the night you drove me home after Cadbury Castle. That I've touched myself thinking of you more than anyone else—That I sit at your favourite spot in the café and stare at your arse and imagine the things I could be doing to it..."

Merlin was saying everything Arthur wanted to hear. 

"Fuck, Merlin." Arthur stopped brushing his hand against Merlin's erection over his shorts and took off his own boxers. Then he tugged on the shorts slightly, pleading Merlin to chuck them off.

A moment later, they were skin against skin with nothing between them. Merlin wrapped his hand around both their erections and started to stroke gently. The sensation of the pre-come on his skin and against Merlin's hand was almost ready to push Arthur over the edge.

"Tell me," Arthur said, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. Nothing had ever felt this good before. This was the most incredible feeling in the world. It was like red velvet mocha with cinnamon and whipped cream times ten. 

"Tell you what?" Merlin said. His other hand grabbed the back of Arthur's head and pulled him back into a kiss.

"Tell me the things you could be doing to my arse," Arthur said, jerking his hips with the rhythm of Merlin's strokes.

"God, Arthur. I would lick you, and suck you, and eat out your arse before I'd push in my fingers..."

"Jesus!" Arthur's hand rested on Merlin's arse as he squeezed it tight and tried to pull them closer for more friction. "What else?"

"Do you want me to tell you that I want to fuck you, Arthur?"

"Yes!"

"Because I do. I think about how I'd spread you open. Push into you. Make you scream my name." Merlin stopped talking to release a moan of his own. "Just because I wear a skirt doesn't mean I'll be gentle with you, Arthur. I'm _not_ a woman. I would fuck you so hard that you wouldn't be able to walk for days." 

Arthur released a small cry as his lips rested against Merlin's, before Merlin started to lick and bite his lower lip, and they just rubbed against each other. Then they were both coming together, and Arthur felt his face get hot. His entire body vibrated with an orgasm so intense he didn't know he was capable of having. 

"Merlin..." he breathed.

"Arthur..." Merlin echoed Arthur's pants. 

"Fuck, that was bloody amazing," Arthur said, releasing his hold on Merlin and then grabbing the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss. He had no idea what he'd been thinking before. He'd never had this sort of a reaction with anyone before. Being with Merlin blew his mind.

"You've got a mouth on you," Arthur joked.

"You rock my world, Arthur," Merlin said as he turned to grab a shirt and started to wipe them both clean. "We best make sure there aren't any remnants of us on Gwen's sheets."

Arthur laughed, "I have a feeling, I'll be buying them another very expensive present soon."

#

After a very awkward encounter with Lance and Guinevere in the kitchen, Arthur gave Merlin a lift home. He desperately needed to get home, shower, and open up the café.

When Arthur pulled up in front of Merlin's condo building they sat in the car quietly. The first night Arthur had drove Merlin home after Cadbury Castle played in his mind. Then he remembered what Merlin had said earlier today. He'd wanted Arthur since that night. Then, all that talk about fucking Arthur... 

"So, um...are you off to work soon?" Merlin asked, breaking the silence in the car.

Shite. Arthur had started to fantasise over Merlin's words. His promises. "Yeah," Arthur said, slightly distracted, but he still smiled up at Merlin. "Are you going to stop by?"

"Do yo—you still want me to?"

Arthur frowned with confusion. "Why wouldn't I want you to? Don't you come by almost every day to study? Or, shall I say...stare at my arse?" Arthur grinned, then bit his lower lip as his gaze fell on Merlin's mouth. 

"I just thought—I don't know— I said all those things and..." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm so embarrassed, and now we've just been so quiet in the car."

Arthur removed his hand off the steering wheel and ran his fingers through Merlin's hair. "This is just different for me. It doesn't mean I don't want it. I was just thinking—I didn't want to say something to offend you and turns out, by not speaking at all, I've given you the wrong impression."

Merlin leaned into the touch and kissed Arthur's palm.

"So you still want—to date—me?"

Arthur smiled and pulled Merlin in for a kiss. "More than yesterday. Not only do I want to date you, I want you to wear that plaid skirt and fuck me in the restaurant loo." 

Merlin released a soft sigh against Arthur's lips. "Well, I'll see you later then, Arthur Pendragon, my very own personal knight." 

"Oh, I'm your knight now?" Arthur teased. "I thought you didn't need a _knight in shining armour_."

Merlin bit his lower lip then quickly kissed Arthur again. "I don't need one. But, I do kind of like having one. Plus, you always smell like coffee." He winked and grabbed his bag. 

He was out of the door before Arthur could say anything else. He sort of liked that. Being Merlin's very own personal knight.

He smiled to himself and started the car to drive home. He knew the road ahead wasn't going to be easy. Merlin was different, and he'd help Arthur discover he was different, too. If it were just the two of them, then life would have been a breeze, but there was society and his father to deal with. 

Not to mention, Arthur hadn't forgotten about Merlin's future plans. He wanted to travel, and further his education somewhere else away from Camelot.

Merlin was everything Arthur needed. Sure, he didn't fit in the same mould of the world's beliefs, but now Arthur believed in _them_. Now, it wasn't just Merlin, but Arthur was different too. 

Arthur only hoped he'd made a lasting impression on Merlin, as Merlin had made one on Arthur's heart. Maybe it was a casual fling, or maybe it'd be a legendary tale, but it would definitely be worth the ride.

Because Merlin, was worth it. And on top of everything else, Merlin had made Arthur feel _wantable_.


End file.
